In a futile effort to encourage my rather pessimistic auntie to think more positively, I encouraged her to do gratitude homework alongside me. Everyday (when I could remember) we would list 3 things that we were grateful for. It seemed to work for a bit until I left the city and fell out of my own routine, leaving her back to square one.

Returning to a dead habit proved harder than starting a brand new one, as when I confronted her with the same homework question she started to retort one physical ailment after another, claiming she had nothing to be grateful for. I have taken it upon myself to help fix her brain because I refuse to believe that people cannot change.

In Reality Transurfing by Vadim Zeland, Zeland compares everyone’s personal frequency to a pendulum. Each person has their own reality, and their reality swings to the beat of their chosen pendulum. A group of people, such as a friend clique, mutually have a shared pendulum (or vibrational frequency), in which someone can join and mesh well (vibe) or stick out like a sore thumb (not vibe). So what happens when an individual’s frequency is low, they are complaining all the time, and are an energy drain? Interrupt their pendulum swing instead of joining it and making it swing harder. Neuroscience also proves this to be true, as data suggests that distractions from rumination actually help people out of a ruminative state, while problem-solving does not!

So what does this suggest? Break out of your personal matrix. Help break other people out of their matrices (or pendulums). My auntie is swinging to a negative beat, and I used to try to empathize with her which ended up dampening both of our moods. I now opt for an ingratitude practice where I say (ironically) things that I am ungrateful for. I do something or say something that she doesn’t expect at all! Today she was mulling over feeling depressed while on a car ride to a new city, and instead of indulging her I said “Wow, your jade ring is so pretty!” Distraction. She started talking about her jade instead and a smile was plastered on her face.

We don’t have to join everyone in their moods everytime. Take this with a grain of salt, as people process grief differently. But if someone’s baseline is negative, I personally would probably break out into a dance or attempt to interrupt their flow. I simply won’t vibe with that anymore!